Overthinking is my enemy
Not the loud kind. The quiet kind. It looks like thinking, but it does nothing.
There is a decision I have not made. Not for weeks. Now it has been months. Every time I get close, I open my notes app, write three more points, and close it again. Nothing about the decision changes. I just feel like I did something.
It is worse at night. I lie in bed, my phone face-down, looking at the ceiling. The same thoughts come back again and again, like a song that never stops. In the day, I have work to do, so the thoughts have to wait. At night, there is nothing else. So I just keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking.
I used to think this was being careful. It is not. It is just fear that feels like thinking.
I do not have a good ending for this. Some nights I notice it early. I put my phone down, and I sleep. Most nights I do not. That is where I am right now, and I would rather say that clearly than pretend I have already fixed it.